The Scatterbrained Deist

Hi, my name is Ayse (Hi, Ayse)... and I'm a fixer. I've been reading psychology-type books and I learned that we basically end up at the same level of psychological health that our environmental family unit had (not really talking about genetics here). So to paint a picture of how I developed into the person I'm trying to grow out of, we have to look back to childhood. My childhood home was volatile, sort of like a dangerous chemistry experiment that is perfectly safe as long as no one sneezes. My dad had a temper, and it might be pertinent to point out that this was technically my step-dad. My biological father had issues also, but he and my mother divorced shortly after I was born. He didn't miss me much. So my dad came after and loved me and my mom and swept us away to military brat life... and he had a horrible temper. Most days things were fun and happy, but we never knew what exactly might set him off, so we were always on alert. He could come after any one of...

So I've been doing a lot of reading over the last couple of days. I found this website, Madame Noire, that is sort of an African American version of TheFrisky. Sort of. I started reading the article because I was hoping to find some content that would disprove my theory that the Black community is pretty much overall, pretty sexually inhibited. I found nothing of the sort, unfortunately. What kept me reading the articles and the comments under them was much worse. Not only is our community full of prudes, but it seems that a lot of the men and women hate each other. I most certainly cannot say that this is true for all, but the number of comments I read that had Black men and women going back and forth about whose fault what was was just heartbreaking. A very common theme in the comments was centered around how many Black women are simply just "over" Black men and have decided to move on to other races. Or just as many complaining how many Black men don't having to of...

So I became something of an Etsy.com addict for like two days (bad attention span). I didn't buy anything, but I'm sure I browsed through the entire Geekery section. I saw SO many things that made me squee with geeky delight. Nigel laughs at me, but it's just me. I've always been a nerd, but I never really felt ostracized for it so I've never felt any need to feel ashamed of my geekiness. DH wasn't as fortunate because he was a black boy growing up in a big city... not a good place to be a nerd. So, while he retains much of his nerdy ways, he's not as open about it as I am. Which makes me wonder what path our child will take... I think Nigel is determined for them to be secretively nerdy. But I think it's more important to be whoever you are and fuck the people that don't like it. If you don't care, they don't. ANYways, I've decided that I'll find something geeky that I like and post it on here to get reactions, opinions, whatev. For ...

Not me, of course. I have pretty much always been in love with love. Love didn't always love me, but that didn't change my mind. No, what I'm talking about is my Black American community. I was reading this article on being a college educated and single black woman. It's a story that I find sad by a woman that claims she is comfortable with her position. She also says that she fears it may be permanent, two statements that seem to be contradictory. I was telling my husband about it and he says it's the whole black community. All you have to do is look on Facebook or Twitter to see how most black people feel about relationships. It wasn't always this way, was it? What happened to our sense of romance and need to be closer to another human being? I have several ideas and opinions (don't I always?). I will offer what I think is women's problem and ask my husband for his point of view. From what I've observed in personal relationships with single bla...

Since my last post I've been doing lots of research into the home daycare option. So far, I like what I see. I'm a little more worried about the amount of money it might take to start up the business, but I have ideas that could help me save money and maybe even make more. From what I've learned about starting a business, it is easiest to get customers when you find a niche, something to specialize in that has a very targeted market. My potential niche? Green. Or about as green as a licensed daycare can be. I decided a few months ago that I want to use cloth diapers with my own children. My family thinks I'm nuts, but I don't mind doing laundry and I would like to make my carbon footprint smaller in ways that I'm willing to. And looking online I've only been able to find one daycare center in Colorado Springs that is cloth diaper friendly. That would give me an advantage. I have the advantage of experience in an accredited military child development center....

There are many things that are very important to me in regards to how I want my children to grow up, but at the top of my list is being able to be at home with them when they are young. I know, in this day and age and hard economic times, it is a lot to ask (unless we win the lottery or something), but my mom stayed at home with me and my little sister until she was in kindergarten. And even then, my mom only had a part time job until my sister was in high school when she started working full time. I am not even asking for that. I want to work. I'm not the kind of person that can spend money without having made some myself. I just want to have a way to work at home. I have an entrepreneurial spirit so a home-based business seems like the best option. I can already feel the eyerolling going on. What would I do? Why would I want to be stuck in my house all day? Well I would want to be home because that's where my babies would be. I work at a child development center, but I really...

Yay! I came back to write another post before a month went by! I try to think of this as therapy, but I do still censor myself for fear of who might read it. But anyways, this is not a secret post. Last time I told you that DH (aka Gelly, he hates that) said we could start TTC if he gets promoted in August and that is his only criteria (whoo hoo! *fingers crossed*). I may or may not have told you that we've had our kids' names picked out almost since we got married (Aidan for boy, Raine for girl; I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this). I also may or may not have mentioned that I work at a child development center and am currently working on my own promotion (whoo hoo! with much less enthusiasm). Well, because I am what we call a "floater", I can be in any room depending on who called out or is on vacation. As a result, and because I'm just good at my job and have a memory like an elephant, I know every kid in the center and to tell you the truth, the three A...