The Swirl (Why Interracial Dating is Not Necessarily the Answer)
So I've been doing a lot of reading over the last couple of days. I found this website, Madame Noire, that is sort of an African American version of TheFrisky. Sort of. I started reading the article because I was hoping to find some content that would disprove my theory that the Black community is pretty much overall, pretty sexually inhibited. I found nothing of the sort, unfortunately. What kept me reading the articles and the comments under them was much worse. Not only is our community full of prudes, but it seems that a lot of the men and women hate each other. I most certainly cannot say that this is true for all, but the number of comments I read that had Black men and women going back and forth about whose fault what was was just heartbreaking.
A very common theme in the comments was centered around how many Black women are simply just "over" Black men and have decided to move on to other races. Or just as many complaining how many Black men don't having to offer them. There are so many things wrong with these statements, but what really strikes me is the implicit racism revealed therein. Apparently these women, wrongly of course, feel that they have gone through every Black man and because their relationships have not worked out, all Black men are bad at relationships. My problem with this is that while they were going through "all" the Black men, they probably missed out on some other men that may or may not have turned out to be great, just based on the color of their skin. That is to say, these women are dating only one race exclusively and then associate all their relationship problems with the color of the men they were dating.
I loved a comment that I read on an interracial dating website while doing some research for this post. A man posted "I have never turned down a present because of the color of the wrapping paper." I think it's a beautiful statement and one that should speak to anyone trying to find that special someone. Our plight, the point of the Civil Rights movement, has always been to stop being judged on the color of our skin rather than who we are and what we have to offer. Don't we all want to stop being stereotyped and put in a little box of preconceptions? Then why are we the first ones to jump to conclusions when we notice differences in melanin levels? Why do we (men and women) assume that dating people with a different skin tone is going to be different? You know what really changes when you think you've made a big change in how you're choosing your mate? You. Just the same as if you'd decided to stop dating thugs and gold-diggers and decided to date someone with the qualities you'd be able to relate to and deal with. It has nothing to do with their skin color.
More on qualities one should seek for potential romantic relationships later.
A very common theme in the comments was centered around how many Black women are simply just "over" Black men and have decided to move on to other races. Or just as many complaining how many Black men don't having to offer them. There are so many things wrong with these statements, but what really strikes me is the implicit racism revealed therein. Apparently these women, wrongly of course, feel that they have gone through every Black man and because their relationships have not worked out, all Black men are bad at relationships. My problem with this is that while they were going through "all" the Black men, they probably missed out on some other men that may or may not have turned out to be great, just based on the color of their skin. That is to say, these women are dating only one race exclusively and then associate all their relationship problems with the color of the men they were dating.
I loved a comment that I read on an interracial dating website while doing some research for this post. A man posted "I have never turned down a present because of the color of the wrapping paper." I think it's a beautiful statement and one that should speak to anyone trying to find that special someone. Our plight, the point of the Civil Rights movement, has always been to stop being judged on the color of our skin rather than who we are and what we have to offer. Don't we all want to stop being stereotyped and put in a little box of preconceptions? Then why are we the first ones to jump to conclusions when we notice differences in melanin levels? Why do we (men and women) assume that dating people with a different skin tone is going to be different? You know what really changes when you think you've made a big change in how you're choosing your mate? You. Just the same as if you'd decided to stop dating thugs and gold-diggers and decided to date someone with the qualities you'd be able to relate to and deal with. It has nothing to do with their skin color.
More on qualities one should seek for potential romantic relationships later.
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